AFRICAN DATING TIP #9

The male child syndrome in African Marriages

Written by Napoleon Dagana

In most cultures, a child is a child – the sex notwithstanding. In Africa it is not quite so. If you have ten children and none of them is a male child, you have no children yet. I know a friend who abandoned his family after his wife gave birth to their eighth successive female child! Unfortunately his ninth child from another woman was also female.

The reasons for this male child preference are not difficult to find. In the absence of an organized social security system in place, most people in Africa depend on their children for sustenance and care giving at their old age. Several arguments have been flying back and forth as regards which set of children care more for their parents at their old age: females or males.

Without going into the merits or demerits of either side of the argument, I personally think and believe taking care of parents at their old age is a very personal matter. It does not appear to depend on sex. However, the availability or otherwise of your child to take care of you during your old age is important. That is where the proponents of male children seem to have a point. Suppose you have three daughters and they are all married to people thousands of miles away, how would they leave their husbands – and families – to take care of you when you are 90? Remember at that age what you need most is care and not money which can be a nuisance if there is nobody to take care of you.

Another point these “male chauvinists” use quite freely is that of the family name disappearing with female children. It is often argued that when your daughters marry, they answer their husbands’ family names which are in turn passed on to your grand children to the detriment of your own name. At the end of the day these are your grand children in all but name.

If you have an opinion – please leave your comments here.

AFRICAN DATING TIP #8

Those things your mother never told you.
Written by Napoleon Dagana

For some strange reasons, most girls grow up being closer to their fathers than their mothers. They prefer to confide certain secrets in their fathers rather than their mothers. So it is that they end up missing what their mothers normally would have told them about life because there is a limit to what a father can tell his daughter – no matter how close.

So for you tomboys who prefer your fathers to your mothers here are some of the things your mother failed to tell you while you were growing up.

1. Never love a man more than he loves you. If you show a man that you love him more than he loves you chances are that he will take advantage of your vulnerability. He will break your tender heart at the drop of a hat. There is nothing wrong with loving a man, but keep part of your love – for a rainy day.
2. Do not lose what attracted you to him in the first place. Was it your shape, height, bust, legs or what was it that attracted you so much to him. If you don’t know already, please find out tonight. If, for instance, it was your smile that bought him over and you suddenly become a “frownmaniac” because of circumstances then you are in for a rude shock.
3. Never tell anybody, including yourself, that your husband is a good for nothing asshole and that you are merely doing your best to keep this marriage together. Every marriage is exactly like yours except that some are even worse. The only difference is that having gone into it voluntarily with your eyes wide open, you should be prepared to accept the bye-products with your eyes and mouth closed. Even when you have had no meal all day and the children are crying, tell whoever cares to listen that you are having a ball – that your husband is the best person that God created in this evil world.
4. Don’t push your husband out of your house. What you don’t know is that no sane person would have good food in the house and go outside to eat junk food. So in addition to being a very good cook, you must go out of your way to keep the house tidy, but above all satisfy him sexually – yes that is what I said. Quote me!

AFRICAN DATING TIP #7

Men are fools – so they like to marry fools.

Written by Napoleon Dagana

I know men will crucify me but let me explain. If you want to know how wise or foolish a man is then send a beautiful girl to him and see how easily she brings what may have taken you years to achieve without success. The most annoying part is that the more tyrannical a man is, the easier he is for girls to manoeuvre. That is why most marketing companies are now recruiting beautiful young girls as Marketing Executives. If you know how girls pound those men you think are difficult into pulp by just touching them - then you know what I mean.

So if you are a smart, intelligent lady then either you pretend to be a fool or nobody will marry you – yes you heard me right! Men don’t marry smart ladies. They are good enough as girl friends but not as housewives. You want to know the reasons?

When a man goes to the office and “monkeys” around with a girl young enough to be his grand daughter, the last thing he wants is for his wife to know about it. As you are well aware a smart lady will know her husband has been up to something even by watching his steps on his way from the office. As for the strange cologne, some smart ladies can smell that cologne one mile away.

When a man tells his wife he is travelling on a business trip and won’t be back until a week later, a smart lady will easily know when he returns that he did not go alone by just looking into some tell-tale documents. Look at the kind of hotel room he occupied and the meal receipts and you can tell if he was alone or not.

So no man wants a smart lady as a wife. If therefore you want a husband, you either have to be a fool or pretend genuinely to be a fool. The former is natural while the later is acquired. Sometimes you need a combination of the two in a ratio you find convenient for your circumstances.

AFRICAN DATING TIP #6

The things men look for in women

Written by Napoleon Dagana

In the course of my matchmaking duties with matrinex.com, I have come across many ladies who describe themselves as “very beautiful, attractive, outgoing, great sense of humour, very good cook” etc. Most of the time I simply keep such profiles aside because no man wants to date a lady who is beautiful enough to be aware that she is beautiful.

Matrinex.com – the world’s #1 African dating site – therefore commissioned a survey recently to find out what qualities men look out for in choosing a date/wife. The results were as amazing as they were instructive. Below are some of the findings:

1. Name: Top on the list of qualities men look out for in their dates/wives, surprisingly is name. Not the name of the lady but her family name. A good family name (not necessarily wealthy) is a best seller any day. If you are the daughter/son of say, a Bill Clinton, you will have no problem finding a spouse. Unfortunately, such names have a way of attracting themselves and excluding names of not-too-rich or famous people. The result is that they end up marrying themselves.
2. Humility: Next on the list is Humility. If your father is Bill Gates and you let that get into your head, you are in for a rude shock. On the other hand, if in spite of your family name and wealth you are still humble and down to earth; suitors will queue in front of your gate begging to be your spouse.
3. Profession: If the survey produced surprises, this one took the icing! Nobody ever expected profession to come up very high on the list of qualities of a spouse but it came up third. As if to rub it in further we did a sub-survey to find out what professions were preferred and which were not desirable.

Preferred: Teaching, Medicine, Architecture, and Engineering

Don’t touch: Nursing, Acting, Broadcasting, ICT, Law, Banking & Finance, and finally Insurance in that order.

4. Personality: Fourth on the list of requirements for a date/wife is personality. Let me quickly point out here that personality is not synonymous with beauty. Whereas beauty can be a disadvantage, personality is a pre-requisite for a good date/housewife. Every man needs a wife he should be proud to show off but not so beautiful that she requires policing wherever she goes. That is a recipe for disaster!

AFRICAN DATING TIP #5

December 1 is World AIDS day.
written by Napoleon Dagana

This post is specially dedicated to the millions of children all over the world who, through no fault of theirs, and for reasons they are too young to understand, had to come into this evil world with a medical albatross – an HIV positive status.

December 1 is World AIDS Day – a day set aside by humanity to attract attention to the mess we have made of this once-beautiful world. As with many other such celebrations, the day has come and gone but what are the lessons it left behind?

Lesson one: That after more than two decades of the first diagnosis of the disease, we have merely found ways and means of managing the monster so that you can live with it.

Lesson two: That the old refrain is still valid – there is no medical cure yet for the disease.

Lesson three: That a poor innocent child can be born with an HIV positive status as a result of mother-to-child transmission. The good Lord must know where humanity crossed the threshold of medical safety.

If an adult is too randy to be faithful to his spouse and ends up being HIV positive, I can understand. If a drug addict who must use syringes and needles for his trade ends up being HIV positive, it is also understandable. But what do you expect the foetus to do in order to avoid being HIV positive at birth? Find out your mother’s HIV status before implantation?

For stupid ignorant people like me the long delay in finding a cure for this pandemic appears deliberate. The figures representing resources allegedly directed towards fighting this scourge are mind boggling but results are few and far between. Apart from the barrage of TV ads and the use of every available media weapon to prove that HIV/AIDS “is real”, the silence in the direction of finding a cure is deafening. Even the blind can see clearly that not much is happening.

My useless empty head tells me that like every African problem may be it is a case of allowing us to stew in our own juice. Available statistics indicate that the HIV/AIDS problem is basically African with more than 70% of those affected and infected coming from my poor Africa. The logic here is that the Western world tried for nearly six decades to get Africans to practice acceptable family planning techniques without success. This is therefore a god-sent compulsory family planning solution.

If you think you can forcefully reduce Africa’s population by delaying finding a solution to this problem, you have another think coming. Coconut heads!