AFRICAN DATING TIP #4
The United Nations celebrates November 25 every year as Day for the Elimination of all forms of violence to Women! On top of the list of violent acts targeted is wife battering. I have no quarrel with that. My only grouse is that while the international body was headed by an African, Kofi Annan, nobody celebrated November 25!
You see, in Africa, there is no such thing as wife battering. Every woman requires some tinkering – or in extreme cases panel beating - once a while to stay in line. Just don’t overdo it that is all. If you go over the fence and your wife ends up in hospital, you are on your own. Just don’t tell anybody that you read my post. I hope you know that she can get all sorts of voluntary legal services without paying a dime!
Women (excluding my wife) are chronological adults but biological infants. There is no better way of demonstrating this assertion than watching a woman react to flattery by anybody for her beauty even if she knows she is a lot uglier than a rhino. The reason is very obvious. Women thrive on their looks. Little wonder that any woman would forget anything but her mirror. She needs it to reassure herself that she is making an impression. Massage any woman’s ego and you get whatever you want.
I don’t know how these egg-heads in the United Nations dish out these international days but I understand all of the 365 days have been assigned – more than half of them to women-related issues. If that is the case then 2008 being a leap year will have one day to spare. Could the Secretary-General please consider allocating that day as International day for Bloggers. That way those of us who earn our living writing “rubbish” on the net will have cause to celebrate something - even if it’s nothing! The only down side is that we will be celebrating once every four years which suits me fine.
Friday, November 30, 2007
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
AFRICAN DATING TIP #3
Dating an African is like walking through a minefield of taboos, cultural inhibitions and practices. Some of these practices are understandable but there are others that beat me hands down, even as an African. Take the case of what is now popularly referred to as female genital mutilation – the practice whereby girls are forcefully and deliberately mutilated by removing the clitoris.
You never get to know the origin of some of these cultural practices but I have it on good authority that female genital mutilation has been practiced in Africa for several centuries. The proponents of FGM, for short, say that it was introduced to reduce female promiscuity. It is generally believed that when the clitoris is removed at an early age, the girl grows up with inhibited sexual feelings and therefore less promiscuous.
We could spend the next few months debating this assertion but as a non medical professional, I do not see how the clitoris suddenly became the storehouse of female sexuality to the extent that its removal will inhibit those feelings!
As for sexual promiscuity let me just say here that promiscuity – or the lack of it – is a very personal matter, the absence or presence of a clitoris notwithstanding. Ask any commercial sex worker and she will readily tell you that she does what she is doing not because she enjoys doing it but because she was forced into it by circumstances.
The good news is that the practice is gradually being phased out – thanks to donor Agencies like UNICEF and western education. Some girls are known to have absconded from their parents’ homes just to avoid being forcefully mutilated. The bad news is that the mutilation is so thorough in some cases that the result is irreversible as the clitoris is not known to have the ability to regenerate with time.
Unfortunately, I am not in a position to tell anybody what role the clitoris plays in the life of a woman as, being a man, I never had one. All I can say is that God would not have included the clitoris in the female anatomy if it was completely useless. As for the argument about curbing promiscuity, I think some men should have the male equivalent of the clitoris cut off because promiscuity is the middle name of most men.
Dating an African is like walking through a minefield of taboos, cultural inhibitions and practices. Some of these practices are understandable but there are others that beat me hands down, even as an African. Take the case of what is now popularly referred to as female genital mutilation – the practice whereby girls are forcefully and deliberately mutilated by removing the clitoris.
You never get to know the origin of some of these cultural practices but I have it on good authority that female genital mutilation has been practiced in Africa for several centuries. The proponents of FGM, for short, say that it was introduced to reduce female promiscuity. It is generally believed that when the clitoris is removed at an early age, the girl grows up with inhibited sexual feelings and therefore less promiscuous.
We could spend the next few months debating this assertion but as a non medical professional, I do not see how the clitoris suddenly became the storehouse of female sexuality to the extent that its removal will inhibit those feelings!
As for sexual promiscuity let me just say here that promiscuity – or the lack of it – is a very personal matter, the absence or presence of a clitoris notwithstanding. Ask any commercial sex worker and she will readily tell you that she does what she is doing not because she enjoys doing it but because she was forced into it by circumstances.
The good news is that the practice is gradually being phased out – thanks to donor Agencies like UNICEF and western education. Some girls are known to have absconded from their parents’ homes just to avoid being forcefully mutilated. The bad news is that the mutilation is so thorough in some cases that the result is irreversible as the clitoris is not known to have the ability to regenerate with time.
Unfortunately, I am not in a position to tell anybody what role the clitoris plays in the life of a woman as, being a man, I never had one. All I can say is that God would not have included the clitoris in the female anatomy if it was completely useless. As for the argument about curbing promiscuity, I think some men should have the male equivalent of the clitoris cut off because promiscuity is the middle name of most men.
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
Monday, November 26, 2007
AFRICAN DATING TIP #2
There are no universally applicable rules in dating or marriage!
As any adult would have noticed, dating – or marriage of any kind – is not a bed of roses. Like any given human relationship there are bound to be disagreements, or should I say misunderstanding between the two relating partners.
When you disagree with your partner, what this tip is saying is that never try a solution to your problem because it worked for your friend. The reason is very simple. For some strange reasons, everybody is a unique creature. Genetically, you are a randomly selected cross breed between your mother, father – sometimes grandparents – and even more, but unique all the same. That is putting it as simply as possible but the explanation is that everybody is unique in temperament, upbringing and tolerance.
That is why when next you have a problem with your spouse, don’t fall into the temptation of bringing your friend to “settle” the matter. Your friend may be more experienced in dealing with such situations but chances are that he/she may never have dealt with somebody exactly like your spouse. His/her spouse may be more tolerant and understanding than yours. So whatever piece of advice your friend gives may not be suitable in your circumstances.
A simple example may suffice. Mrs. A thinks her spouse is cheating on her. She calls her friend Mrs. B and explains to her. Mrs. B who has a more understanding spouse “advises” Mrs. A to starve her spouse of sex in the hope that Mr. A will like Mr. B come begging. Unknown to Mrs. A, Mr B is a more stubborn guy. So what did Mr. A do? He moved out of their matrimonial home very late in the night and did not return till the next morning. In the morning Mr. A had a change of clothes, left the house and did not return until five days later.
A second example is that of a friend who had a slight misunderstanding with his spouse. His spouse called her friend who advised that if her spouse ever repeated such “rubbish” she should “slap” the daylights out of him. Two weeks later my friend was caught in the same act again and like a bolt out of the blues his spouse crossed his face with her five fingers! My friend was dazed momentarily but when he recovered he remembered his younger days as a wrestler and decided to re-enact his wrestling prowess – with his spouse. His spouse spent a little under three weeks in hospital.
The lesson to be learnt here is that every couple should find a home-grown panacea for settling their differences. Leave out all friends, relations and, even parents because none of them has working knowledge or experience of dealing with your kind of spouse. Your wife may physically look like her mother but several notches above her mother in temperament and tolerance. Her mother may belong to the old school whereas your spouse may be a modern-day Harvard-educated tigress merely caged by circumstances – and the environment!
You may not know it but there is no perfect marriage or relationship anywhere. Every couple is bending over backwards to show the decent side of their relationship to the outside world. The more they succeed in doing this the better and longer-lasting their relationship. So if your spouse insists of showing her friends and relations the wrong side of your marriage seams, then the chances are that your relationship may not be longer than the threads the tailor used in holding the seams together. If, for instance, there is no food on the table, and the first person she informs is her mother, then you don’t have a wife yet.
So folks, when next you have a slight misunderstanding with your spouse, try your own solution, after all you are supposed to know your spouse better than anybody else, including his/her parents.
As any adult would have noticed, dating – or marriage of any kind – is not a bed of roses. Like any given human relationship there are bound to be disagreements, or should I say misunderstanding between the two relating partners.
When you disagree with your partner, what this tip is saying is that never try a solution to your problem because it worked for your friend. The reason is very simple. For some strange reasons, everybody is a unique creature. Genetically, you are a randomly selected cross breed between your mother, father – sometimes grandparents – and even more, but unique all the same. That is putting it as simply as possible but the explanation is that everybody is unique in temperament, upbringing and tolerance.
That is why when next you have a problem with your spouse, don’t fall into the temptation of bringing your friend to “settle” the matter. Your friend may be more experienced in dealing with such situations but chances are that he/she may never have dealt with somebody exactly like your spouse. His/her spouse may be more tolerant and understanding than yours. So whatever piece of advice your friend gives may not be suitable in your circumstances.
A simple example may suffice. Mrs. A thinks her spouse is cheating on her. She calls her friend Mrs. B and explains to her. Mrs. B who has a more understanding spouse “advises” Mrs. A to starve her spouse of sex in the hope that Mr. A will like Mr. B come begging. Unknown to Mrs. A, Mr B is a more stubborn guy. So what did Mr. A do? He moved out of their matrimonial home very late in the night and did not return till the next morning. In the morning Mr. A had a change of clothes, left the house and did not return until five days later.
A second example is that of a friend who had a slight misunderstanding with his spouse. His spouse called her friend who advised that if her spouse ever repeated such “rubbish” she should “slap” the daylights out of him. Two weeks later my friend was caught in the same act again and like a bolt out of the blues his spouse crossed his face with her five fingers! My friend was dazed momentarily but when he recovered he remembered his younger days as a wrestler and decided to re-enact his wrestling prowess – with his spouse. His spouse spent a little under three weeks in hospital.
The lesson to be learnt here is that every couple should find a home-grown panacea for settling their differences. Leave out all friends, relations and, even parents because none of them has working knowledge or experience of dealing with your kind of spouse. Your wife may physically look like her mother but several notches above her mother in temperament and tolerance. Her mother may belong to the old school whereas your spouse may be a modern-day Harvard-educated tigress merely caged by circumstances – and the environment!
You may not know it but there is no perfect marriage or relationship anywhere. Every couple is bending over backwards to show the decent side of their relationship to the outside world. The more they succeed in doing this the better and longer-lasting their relationship. So if your spouse insists of showing her friends and relations the wrong side of your marriage seams, then the chances are that your relationship may not be longer than the threads the tailor used in holding the seams together. If, for instance, there is no food on the table, and the first person she informs is her mother, then you don’t have a wife yet.
So folks, when next you have a slight misunderstanding with your spouse, try your own solution, after all you are supposed to know your spouse better than anybody else, including his/her parents.
Thursday, November 15, 2007
AFRICAN DATING TIPS
By Uncle Dagana
Hi folks,
When we launched Matrinex.com earlier this year little did we know that we were opening the proverbial Pandora’s Box. In the last seven months or so of our Website’s grand entry into the field of African dating, we have been bombarded with questions and enquiries about what it takes to keep an African date. As you very well know, there is a limit to everything – including endurance.
It is in response to these numerous enquiries that we launch, today, the maiden edition of our Blog – African Dating Tips – in the hope that we will be in a position to address some of the anxieties and concerns of our numerous clients and well wishers all over the world.
Let me warn some of our readers that the tips we intend to give are simply what the word implies: tips. They are intended to serve as guidelines for dating African women and not hard and fast rules of general application to all and sundry. As any veteran in this business of dating will tell you, there are no universal laws in dating. What applies beautifully in situation one may crash disastrously in the next situation – and that is understandable. Everybody is unique and has different levels of tolerance, patience, understanding and the ability to forgive and forget for the sake of a relationship.
So welcome to our African dating tips blog. We hope you find it useful but if for any reason you find it boring and unreadable, please reach out for your mouse!
AFRICAN DATING TIP #1
African marriages and dates are unions between two families!
If you are new to African dating or marriage this is one point you must consider seriously before getting involved. Most cultures in Africa, be it North, South East or West, regard a marriage not just as a union between the bride and the groom as in most other cultures, but a fusion between the two participating families. On the surface there does not appear to be any problem, but in practice it can be resource-sapping, unless you are a Bill Gates!
You may not have heard of this but there is this ugly family monster called extended family system in Africa. The extended family system ensures that every bride has a retinue of uncles, aunties, cousins (both paternally and maternally) who in turn have children and grand children. When you add these to her siblings, what you have is a bouquet of children and grand children from all sources waiting to go to school at the expense of you and your wife.
If you are lucky, and very few people are that lucky, they stop at asking you to pay their way through school. Those who are not so lucky and they are in the majority, end up wanting and succeeding in staying as non-paying guests of your family – sometimes for life! The result is that the standard of living of your own family is compromised to the extent that your own children have to play second fiddle to these children of your wife’s uncles, cousins and whoever else. The things men have to endure for love!
If these extra burdens fail to bring you down financially, then wait for this. Your wife naturally becomes pregnant. What to do? Her mother in the village has to come and baby-sit your newborn baby – for six months! Naturally, your mother-in-law must come along with your wife’s last sibling. After six months, your mother-in-law goes home but forgets a vital hand luggage! You come home from work one day and discover, with some relief, that your mother-in-law has finally left for home but you soon discover to your chagrin that she deliberately left behind your wife’s 11 year old sibling. Unknown to you, the poor girl has no intention of leaving – ever – because she is now used to a new standard of living. Chances are that your own wife is party to the conspiracy. Your wife’s 11 year-old sister is now the newest member of your family set to explode at the seams.
For those who are in love with African dates and/or wives, it is not totally bad news as this author is trying to make you believe. Remember, I said earlier on that in matters of marriage and dating there are no universal rules and regulations of general application. Not every African wife will saddle you with responsibilities even before you are ready to settle down to a life of marital bliss. Come to think of it, has anyone ever told you that African women are the most hard-working and painstakingly resourceful women on this planet – yes, believe me.
African women do not sit down cross-legged in their living rooms and wait for their men to provide everything. Those of them who went to school, and there are many of them who now go to school, are prepared to work full-time in an office, engage in a trade part-time in addition to being a housewife 24/7! As any housewife will gleefully tell you, being a housewife is more than ten times more difficult than being the man of the house. It is only in Africa that the woman comes from her office job, dead tired, throws her office paraphernalia on the bed, dashes for her kitchen just to make sure dinner is ready for the family. While in the kitchen, she keeps one eye on the food and the second eye on the kids – of all ages! Don’t ask me what the man of the house usually does while the wife is slaving to keep the home – most of the time nothing – sweet nothing!
Now you know why the traffic is unusually heavy with people queuing to have African wives.
By Uncle Dagana
Hi folks,
When we launched Matrinex.com earlier this year little did we know that we were opening the proverbial Pandora’s Box. In the last seven months or so of our Website’s grand entry into the field of African dating, we have been bombarded with questions and enquiries about what it takes to keep an African date. As you very well know, there is a limit to everything – including endurance.
It is in response to these numerous enquiries that we launch, today, the maiden edition of our Blog – African Dating Tips – in the hope that we will be in a position to address some of the anxieties and concerns of our numerous clients and well wishers all over the world.
Let me warn some of our readers that the tips we intend to give are simply what the word implies: tips. They are intended to serve as guidelines for dating African women and not hard and fast rules of general application to all and sundry. As any veteran in this business of dating will tell you, there are no universal laws in dating. What applies beautifully in situation one may crash disastrously in the next situation – and that is understandable. Everybody is unique and has different levels of tolerance, patience, understanding and the ability to forgive and forget for the sake of a relationship.
So welcome to our African dating tips blog. We hope you find it useful but if for any reason you find it boring and unreadable, please reach out for your mouse!
AFRICAN DATING TIP #1
African marriages and dates are unions between two families!
If you are new to African dating or marriage this is one point you must consider seriously before getting involved. Most cultures in Africa, be it North, South East or West, regard a marriage not just as a union between the bride and the groom as in most other cultures, but a fusion between the two participating families. On the surface there does not appear to be any problem, but in practice it can be resource-sapping, unless you are a Bill Gates!
You may not have heard of this but there is this ugly family monster called extended family system in Africa. The extended family system ensures that every bride has a retinue of uncles, aunties, cousins (both paternally and maternally) who in turn have children and grand children. When you add these to her siblings, what you have is a bouquet of children and grand children from all sources waiting to go to school at the expense of you and your wife.
If you are lucky, and very few people are that lucky, they stop at asking you to pay their way through school. Those who are not so lucky and they are in the majority, end up wanting and succeeding in staying as non-paying guests of your family – sometimes for life! The result is that the standard of living of your own family is compromised to the extent that your own children have to play second fiddle to these children of your wife’s uncles, cousins and whoever else. The things men have to endure for love!
If these extra burdens fail to bring you down financially, then wait for this. Your wife naturally becomes pregnant. What to do? Her mother in the village has to come and baby-sit your newborn baby – for six months! Naturally, your mother-in-law must come along with your wife’s last sibling. After six months, your mother-in-law goes home but forgets a vital hand luggage! You come home from work one day and discover, with some relief, that your mother-in-law has finally left for home but you soon discover to your chagrin that she deliberately left behind your wife’s 11 year old sibling. Unknown to you, the poor girl has no intention of leaving – ever – because she is now used to a new standard of living. Chances are that your own wife is party to the conspiracy. Your wife’s 11 year-old sister is now the newest member of your family set to explode at the seams.
For those who are in love with African dates and/or wives, it is not totally bad news as this author is trying to make you believe. Remember, I said earlier on that in matters of marriage and dating there are no universal rules and regulations of general application. Not every African wife will saddle you with responsibilities even before you are ready to settle down to a life of marital bliss. Come to think of it, has anyone ever told you that African women are the most hard-working and painstakingly resourceful women on this planet – yes, believe me.
African women do not sit down cross-legged in their living rooms and wait for their men to provide everything. Those of them who went to school, and there are many of them who now go to school, are prepared to work full-time in an office, engage in a trade part-time in addition to being a housewife 24/7! As any housewife will gleefully tell you, being a housewife is more than ten times more difficult than being the man of the house. It is only in Africa that the woman comes from her office job, dead tired, throws her office paraphernalia on the bed, dashes for her kitchen just to make sure dinner is ready for the family. While in the kitchen, she keeps one eye on the food and the second eye on the kids – of all ages! Don’t ask me what the man of the house usually does while the wife is slaving to keep the home – most of the time nothing – sweet nothing!
Now you know why the traffic is unusually heavy with people queuing to have African wives.
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