AFRICAN DATING TIP #9

The male child syndrome in African Marriages

Written by Napoleon Dagana

In most cultures, a child is a child – the sex notwithstanding. In Africa it is not quite so. If you have ten children and none of them is a male child, you have no children yet. I know a friend who abandoned his family after his wife gave birth to their eighth successive female child! Unfortunately his ninth child from another woman was also female.

The reasons for this male child preference are not difficult to find. In the absence of an organized social security system in place, most people in Africa depend on their children for sustenance and care giving at their old age. Several arguments have been flying back and forth as regards which set of children care more for their parents at their old age: females or males.

Without going into the merits or demerits of either side of the argument, I personally think and believe taking care of parents at their old age is a very personal matter. It does not appear to depend on sex. However, the availability or otherwise of your child to take care of you during your old age is important. That is where the proponents of male children seem to have a point. Suppose you have three daughters and they are all married to people thousands of miles away, how would they leave their husbands – and families – to take care of you when you are 90? Remember at that age what you need most is care and not money which can be a nuisance if there is nobody to take care of you.

Another point these “male chauvinists” use quite freely is that of the family name disappearing with female children. It is often argued that when your daughters marry, they answer their husbands’ family names which are in turn passed on to your grand children to the detriment of your own name. At the end of the day these are your grand children in all but name.

If you have an opinion – please leave your comments here.